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CU management takes the cake

09/16/2011

Secret indictments were handed up late last night against several members of Consumer Reports management in connection with the attempted theft of a cake from a joint Guild/CU party commemorating the 60th anniversary of the union’s first contract at that organization, according to anonymous sources.

Charges against the defendants include theft, conspiracy to commit a misdemeanor and demonstrating uncouth and inappropriate behavior at an office gathering.

The event was a gala affair co-sponsored and paid for jointly by the Newspaper Guild of New York and management of Consumer Reports, held in the facility on Executive Boulevard. The crowning jewels of the festivities, planned by the Partnership Committee, were a slide show demonstrating “through the years” at CU and a large cake. The cake’s inscription: “60 years Bold Solidarity Forever The Newspaper Guild of New York.”

However, after the Guild received Consumer Reports’ draconian proposals at a bargaining session on Friday before the party, the Guild elected to provide a second cake at its own expense inscribed: “Cut the cake not our contract.”

After the cake was escorted into the cafeteria by an army of red-shirted Guild members, it disappeared. Was it something it said?

Very strange. The previous Friday, through its proposal, management told Guild negotiators, “Let them eat cake.”

Then management took the cake.

Questioned about it, CU officials denied the theft. Said it was all a mistake.

After a lengthy search, the kidnapped cake was rescued from the kitchen. It was devoured. As for the official cake, there was an awful lot left over.

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